Inviting In-Laws into the Family Enterprise System
Welcoming a new family member is often a moment of joy. It marks the beginning of a new chapter - one filled with possibility, deeper relationships and the expansion of the family story. For many enterprising families, it also brings a renewed sense of the uniquely delicate complexities of a family with shared assets.
New family members bring a new voice to the mix. A fresh perspective to conversations. A chance to build something stronger, together. They also enter an established web of relationships, expectations and often unspoken rules - without the benefit of a shared emotional history or generational context.
The initial experiences can have a powerful impact on relationships over time. For the family, the high financial and emotional stakes will require more time to trust someone new with access to long-held assets or decision-making roles. For the newcomer, too, stepping into a system with significant power imbalances can be just as daunting. Trust, on both sides, needs to be built over time.
In our experience working with multigenerational families, the question isn’t simply “Should in-laws be involved?” It’s more nuanced. How will they be welcomed, oriented and supported as they step into the family enterprise?
When families approach the inclusion of in-laws with clarity, care, and intentional design, they can create space for deeper belonging - and stronger systems. The following reflections offer families a starting point to think more strategically and relationally about how they welcome in-laws into the broader family system.
Consider how, when, and who is sharing vital information about the enterprise.
While sharing family history and family stories is something that will come over time, many families choose to invite incoming spouses to go through family photos or to watch family videos as a way of introduction.
Be mindful of the messages around money that the incoming spouse carries with them. This may play a role in coming to agreement about the right time to share privileged information about shared family assets.
Consider when, where, and how to introduce spouses to family advisors. It can be overwhelming for some to meet too many people too quickly. Note that it is also helpful to make sure that family advisors are aware of the family’s intentions regarding onboarding spouses.
Think of getting to know the incoming spouse as a two-way street. It is just as important for the family to make the effort to get to know the in-law as it is for the in-law to get to know the family.
Be deliberate about how the family can get to know the in-law and learn about them, their family, and their values.
Remember that the new spouse is likely going to become a parent to the next generation of family members. Do not be afraid of conversations around money and work. Couples also benefit from setting aside time to come to agreement around which messages around money and work they want to convey to their children.
Define the role of family and keep in mind that family members can be different from owners.
What roles and responsibilities are you inviting in-laws to participate in? For example, will they be considered for membership on a family council? A board of directors? Be clear about expectations versus invitations.
Will in-laws be eventual owners of assets? While there is no one right answer, communication around future ownership expectations is vital. Each family finds their own balance and definition of what it means to protect family assets. To what extent will keeping ownership to lineal descendants vs. embracing in-laws as participants in ownership serve your goals? There are many different points to choose from along this spectrum.
Bringing spouses into the family can be an extremely exciting time. It can also come with a lot of questions and can be a source of anxiety for the couple getting married. Being thoughtful about the conversations that need to take place ahead of time can avoid unintended consequences in the long term, and relieve stress for both the family and incoming spouse in the near term.