FQ: Taking a Systems Approach
Imagine sitting in a forest. What do you see around you? Perhaps the beautiful trees and vegetation. Maybe a river or a creek. You can hear the sounds of the birds who call the forest home, the gentle sway of the trees in the wind, and the roll of the water over the rocks. You feel the soft soil on your palms and smell the earthiness around you.
Is it the sun or the rain that makes the forest grow? Or is it the minerals in the earth? In the forest ecosystem, the interplay between the sun, rain, temperature, soil, and so much more, all play a part in the wellbeing of the forest.
Like forests, families are systems; however, rather than ecosystems, families are emotional systems. A change to one part of the system – someone becoming ill, moving out of state, or getting married, for example - has ripple effects throughout. These changes may increase stress, create a sense that there are missing links in relationships, or increase opportunities for connection. Seeking to understand the complex interrelationships in the family is what we call a systems perspective. And viewing the family as a system is an integral part of the Family Intelligence Quotient, or FQ.
What is FQ and Why is it Important?
So what, exactly, is FQ? At its most basic, FQ is having intelligence about your family enterprise and understanding your place in it. It is like EQ (Emotional Intelligence), with a family systems angle. FQ provides a framework to describe how the family and the enterprise function together, the role and responsibility of an individual in the system, and a way to interpret relationship dynamics as data to enhance neutrality and gain perspective.
To understand our families, it is helpful to recognize that relationships are multi-dimensional, and to notice the nature of the interactions between various parts of the system. Seeing our families in these ways shifts our view of family dynamics from “cause and effect,” - he said this so I said that - to perceiving less obvious factors that may be contributing to patterns of behavior. It’s no longer as simple as the sun makes the trees grow, but how much sun, and how it is balanced with rain, temperature, air quality, etc.
For families who share assets, the complexities are increased, because assets are also complex systems and there’s also the interrelationship of the family and the assets. Whether the assets are a business, family office, joint investments, and/or a foundation, each requires organization with structures and intricacies.
To function at its best, the combination of the family and their shared assets, or a family enterprise, requires high FQ. Individuals and enterprises that work toward developing high FQ are better at maintaining family connections because they don’t run for the hills when differences and difficulties arise. Ultimately, this is critical for the sustainability of the shared economic system. Afterall, without “family” you can’t have a family enterprise.
FQ also makes it easier to acknowledge and move past rough spots. Why? Because FQ asks individuals to broaden their narrative and recognize the validity of other people’s experiences. By reframing family dynamics as data, it allows family members to get curious (rather than judgmental) about what is going on and enhances their ability to make choices for the future.
Finally, FQ provides a framework for managing some of the central dilemmas that family enterprises face. One such dilemma is the balance of the individual and the collective. How do we make room for individual autonomy while tending to the needs of the family and our shared assets? Leaning too far in either direction has the potential to become a source of conflict as a sense of individuality may be lost to the collective, or the collective is representative of only a few individuals.
Another challenge is the balance of how we build alignment (process) and identify the answer to a question (content). Content without process can feel like window dressing since family members may not have a sense of being heard or considered in the answer. Every system will experience roadblocks at some point, and process is key to moving past the challenges.
Enhancing FQ
To build FQ requires time, practice, and a sense of curiosity. Time to understand your family narratives as fully as possible, and practice to listen to each with curiosity rather than judgement. Instead of avoiding those with different views, it’s helpful to seek them out. You can think of family dynamics as useful data about the emotional system. You might even learn enough about your family to begin mapping patterns of relating across generations. A genogram, or a physical diagram of your multi-generational family, can be a helpful tool in this endeavor.
An additional aspect of strengthening FQ is gaining an understanding of your own role in the family system and embracing the notion that you have agency. One way to start is to reflect on your own values and how you translate them into action. What drives your everyday behavior and decision-making? Are your choices consistent with your internal narrative? If not, how can you adjust your narrative, or your values and actions, to be more consistent while also giving yourself grace?
You can take this one step further by considering your place in the family relationship system. What is your role amongst your family members? Who do you have close or tense relationship with, and why? What does your communication look like with your family? Don’t forget, each person, including you, is a part of the family system for better or worse, so having a clearer sense of yourself, and the way you relate to others in your family, can go a long way!
If you’re interested in a more nuanced understanding of how FQ can benefit you and your family, or simply want to learn more, please reach out by emailing info@relative-solutions.com.